Thursday, January 27, 2011

Incredibly stupid, yes, I know.

I had a scary encounter the other day while driving.  Now, to preface this story, I am an admitted aggressive driver.  I have a very hard time controlling the rage that simmers beneath the surface on good days.  Drive like an idiot, I will be the one to LET YOU KNOW.  Not proud of it, just honest.  There's something to be said for honesty, right?  RIGHT?

I was out running a few errands with Cam.  We were going ot hit the bank, then hop over to Babies R Us.  While we were cruising on down the freeway, I realized I needed to get over for my exit.  I am a little OCD about mirror checking, so I noticed a big SUV coming up in that lane, but I had plenty of time and room to make it.  Except ASSHOLE decides to speed up.  So as I am coming over, I hear horns, but that little speck in my brain that turns the rage on heard: BITCH, STAY IN YOUR LANE OR ELSE.

Oh no he didn't.  When I look over incredulously, this ass is on his cellphone, which is against the law where we live, and one of my top five pet peeves*.  I flip him the bird, as I am wont to do, and slam on my brakes to make the lane make the exit.  I continue behind him for a few seconds, when he gets over to let me pass.  It's here I had the first pangs of road rage guilt:  maybe I did over-react.  Then I look in the rear-view and notice Cam has stopped babbling and is staring from her mirror to mine, effectively staring me down.  Now who's the asshole??

I continue around a few turns when I realize I see the same car still behind me.  My hackles go up, so I decided to pull into the shopping center, and circle around.  Something nobody would do unless they were totally following me.  Yup, he follows.  SO I stop the car and put it in park, effectively DARING him to come up to me.  He does nothing, so I grab my cellphone, and storm off to confront him.  Fucker wouldn't roll his window down, just sat there making faces at me while STILL ON HIS CELLPHONE.  I told him through his rolled up window he needed to cease and desist (pretty sure I channeled a cop???) or I was calling the cops.  Made another face at me, which is tantamount to shaking the pretty red cape at an already pissed bull.  So I called 911.

After I gave the nice dispatch lady my info my adrenaline must have stopped surging.  Guilt, shame, and WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, DUMBASS??? wash over me.  I called Rob to let him know that he might have to pick Cam up at the jail.  Because I don't just think what could possibly happen, I project the worse possible thing.  Pretty Rob was just glad I didn't call to tell him I wrecked Doris (the car).  He stayed unbelievably calm for a man whose wife tried to physically confront a possibly deranged man while his baby daughter sat in the car.  Another reason I love this man and am glad I was so drunk on my wedding day that I didn't run screaming from the commitment.

The cops show up, three squad cars.  One blocking me in, and two on him.  I hop out, tell the truth about my involvement, but also point out several times that asshole was breaking the law by being on his cellphone!  I am also ready for him to at the very least verbally abuse me for my stupidity.  He just stares impassionately, until I get to the point when I tell him "I really should have just stayed in the car, I am certifiably crazy for getting out of the car...".  The cop cuts me off to say no, it wasn't my fault, the crazy one is the GROWN MAN WHO FEELS THE NEED TO INTIMIDATE A WOMAN.  He was pissed, and I was incredibly relieved that my ass would not be sitting in prison.

The other two cops come up and the one I was talking to says: "Here's what's going to happen, you will drive away, we will keep him here until we feel it's safe."

 I continued on to BRU, thinking it imprudent to go to the bank, since we were about 20 feet from it, didn't want to push my luck.  When I got home, I posted on FB about it, and got about 20 people telling me how stupid I was.  And that's after I mentioned in the post I know how stupid I was, so thanks everyone for letting me know!  My favorite cousin immediately writes back to say: "Your mother is going to kill you."  And then another: "Rob is going to kill you."  Well, that got me to thinking why didn't Rob get pissed?  I mean, in this one instance he would have been right.  So I stewed on that for a bit.  Cam back a few hours later to see that Mom had posted this gem: "what were you thinking, even I would be afraid to confront a stupid asshole".  I immediately called bullshit on Mom, because WHERE DO YOU THINK I LEARNED IT???  My mother still scares me, all five foot nothing of her.  I am pretty sure road rage was invented by her.

Lesson learned?  Nope.  Therapist entertained?  You betcha.  So now we get to explore my rage issues.  Natural personality trait?   Sleep deprivation because of insomnia?  Something "off with my brain"?  Pretty sure it's "all of the above" because I am aware of the rage, and HATE that I have it.  When I feel myself starting to berate another driver, I calmly try to remind myself that they are people too, and blah, blah, blah.  Most of the time it works, but the times it doesn't....yikes.

I WANT to be a kinder, gentler JC, but what about my street cred?  ;)  Jokes aside, I do think my outside does not match my inside very well, so I will be working on that.  I still maintain that guy is a gigantic asshole, but I wish him peace and love.


  1. are we having mirror days today? pretty freaky....I didn't get all gungho like you (he he he) but this car had the audacity to speed up so I wouldn't lane I honked right back and did some sign language....Tigger (L) was very intrigued and I was well not amused at my behavior with her staring right at me.

  2. man, this IS freaky! I have been wanting to change my behavior in the car, but having that little human staring at you is unnerving, and motivating. lol

  3. you know we could totally car pool because sadly I drive like that too! I can't stand it when people drive like idiots (althought i'm beginning to think I'm the idiot most days) not so funny when Natalie starts repeating the not so nice things i yell at other drivers!

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  5. Damn it...that means i will have to really watch what I yell soon. I mean, I cuss like a sailor normally, so there is a good chance Cam will come home with many notes from school. My excuse is, well, I WAS a sailor...and will be in my heart forever. YES.

    I fully admit I am an idiot. The first step is admitting, right? RIGHT?!?!?