Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Agency woker pisses me off.

I get a call from our adoption agency today.  I have always had nothing but good things to say about them, wonderful experience, wonderful social workers, yada yada yada. 

Let me go back a few months.  We have received one, ONE precious letter from Cam's fmom, N.  That was a few months ago.  A call from our placement social worker preceded the letter, letting us know it was coming, and that it was emotionally charged.  She talked to Rob for about 15 minutes or so, walking him through the pitfalls that could arise from such a letter.  nice, very much appreciated.

Last month another call, this time from the social worker who met us at the hospital to take custody of Cam.  She was wondering if the latest update I had done was meant to have pictures attached, like all the others I have sent.  Yup, my bad.  Took the opportunity to ask her if it would be cool if I sent an ornament and actual picture for N., wondering how N. would get it.  She told me that N. had asked to have all updates and correspondence sent to here directly from the agency to her home address.

Back to today.  Agency worker in charge of sending updates calls me.  First time we have spoken, exchanged an email or two, but that's it.  She sounded irritated at the outset of the call.  Cam was kind of hollering in the background, and S., the worker, kind of snottily asks if it's a good time.  Let me also preface this by saying my heart lurches any time I see the agency number come up on my phone.  I associate that number with GOOD things.  Like a placement of a real-live baby or precious first letter from first mom.  So I was ignoring all things unpleasant and waiting like a dog for my treat to be delivered.

S. starts off telling me what our agreement was (letters and pictures every six months), then asks if this is what I see on my paperwork.  Um, no, holding the phone and wrangling a baby, don't have time to dig for some fucking paperwork...get to the good part lady!  I say, sure, sounds about right, but not absolutely sure.  Still waiting, spill it!  She let's an uncomfortable silence brew, and I don't help her.  She plows ahead and says "well you've been sending updates and pics every month....." 

Me: "Yes."
S.: more silence..."okaaaaaay.......well, sometimes people do that, then realize they can't keep up with it."

Still wondering when she is going to jump to the part where they heard back from N., getting weary of her weird silence. 

Me: "uh huh"
S: "well, usually people back off after the first year"

More silence, this time I see what she is hinting at.  She wants me to say that I will stick to that "agreement".  Fuck that.  We want an open adoption, so I reach out and I have a right to send her as much crap as I want to.  I also realize that there is no "good stuff" from this call, and am getting sad.  And annoyed.  I let that silence crash around her some more.  I am not going to make this easy.

S:  "Well, do you have any questions?"  sounding perplexed and a little annoyed herself.
Me:  "Well, N asked for all updates to be sent to her, right?  That's what L told me."
S:  "Yes.  She had the option to call us and find out if updates are here, then pick them up, or for us to just mail it to her directly when we get things."
Me:  "Okay, good."

At this point, I am done talking, and I suppose S figures this too, because she wraps it up by awkwardly saying "I guess that's it, thanks."  Asshole.  I was sad when I got off the phone.  Cam had crawled over to me, smiling.  I had been hoping for another letter, or something after I sent the holiday stuff.  Looking at Cam it broke my heart a little.

So I went to the forums, and posited a few questions.  Mainly wondering if I had lost it, or was that a weird call?  To what end was the worker trying to get?  Right away I got a few wise answers, as usual.  Chalk it up to good old-fashioned laziness.  Now, with a few hours distance and some feedback, I can see that worker was just trying to get me to lay off the updates.  So now I am good an angry.  It's a good thing it's after business hours.  Unless Rob talks me down, I am thinking a phone call to our old SW is called for.  It's making me question whether ALL the stuff I send is making it to N, and really, how the hell would I KNOW???

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