Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I don't feel 40, whatever that means.

I got out of the sky diving. I live for another day.  Seems my birthday and death day will not be one and the least this year. 

Rob asked me last night if I really felt like jumping.  I found it hard to articulate why, no, it did not sound appealing to me at all...when just a few years earlier I would have gone with glee.  I figured it out though: I have less incentive now to do stupid shit.  In my heart I know sky diving is safe, but not safe enough for me to chance being that freak accident that we read about in the paper.  I didn't work this hard to have Cam so I could maybe check out on her early, over an adrenaline rush.

Before you think what a great sentiment that is, let me tell you my main reason for bailing:  being stuck in that car for about 4 hours with a kid who only barely tolerates the car.  As it was, we drove about 20 minutes to get some breakfast.  Cracker Barrel, you need to move CLOSER to me.  Cam whined nearly the whole way.  Every parent hates whining.  I am a parent with overly sensitive hearing.  Noise bugs the shit out of me.  That whining puts me over the edge within seconds.  Especially when I watch her in the mirror smile and play with her toys and then start the whining the second I say a word to her.  Which begs the question?  Why do I talk to her if her response is to whine?  I wish I had the answer to that.  It would save me loads of frustration.

So no sky diving.  A pig-out at the Cracker Barrel, followed by an exciting trip to get my car washed.  My best friend gave me a gift certificate to get my toes done, so I did shuck off the whiner and her father for an hour.  Cam home to a Rob coming down the stairs saying her just got Cam down for a nap.  That in itself was a gift, as I got to relax on the sofa and thank the 86 people who wished me "Happy Birthday" on Facebook.  I thought the best gift of all would be a dear friend giving birth today (she is being induced), but the little guy refused to be evicted from his digs, so that puts his birthday tomorrow.  Babies are so selfish.  I did drag Rob and Cam out so I could get a new tattoo.  My place had no spot for me, walk-in appointments were full.  On my birthday last year I got my sobriety date done, and was going to put the AA symbol (a triangle within a circle) below it.  Might get it done on Saturday when Rob and Cam do their Saturday thing. 

To round out the day we got crabs for dinner.  Delicious, steamed crabs.  Just as we sat down, Cam tucked snug into bed, we saw the red flicker on the baby monitor.  Then heard the unmistakable sound of a furious Cam.  Willing all 16 of my readers to drop me like a hot-potato, Cam is a near-perfect sleeper.  Like goes to bed at 6:30 PM and usually sleeps until around 0830.  Nary a peep between those hours.  So, we ignored her for the first five minutes.  Elbow deep in crab innards, neither one of us was wont to move.  And honestly, it is MY birthday, no way I was abandoning my feast.  At minute 10 I started to twitch.  Still wasn't giving up my spot, but nervously wondering if I was going to HAVE to go.  A game of screaming-baby chicken.  Rob broke at around the 15 minute mark.  I scarfed down three crabs while he was gone. 

It was a good day.  Not what I envisioned my 40th to look like, but as I told Rob tonight: nothing I ever thought about what my life would look like at this point has come true.  Most of the time things are way better than I ever imagined, and other times I realize what I didn't get wasn't really that important. 

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