Friday, March 4, 2011

Better living through chemistry.

I just ordered six new cloth diapers to add to my stash.  It took me two weeks to make a decision on 1) whether to do it; and 2) velcro or snaps.

I have ADHD.  I finally found a medication that works (somewhat).  Part of the fun of ADHD is not having any motivation AND a paralyzing fear of making the wrong decision.  So asking me where I want to go for dinner could be very traumatic for whoever is along for the ride.  The medication I am on now is the only one of four that has worked (it's Daytrana).  I have tried Vyvanase (felt like I had done ten lines of coke), Intuniv (same), and Concerta (maybe five lines of coke, so not AS bad).  The great things about this particular drug is that I don't feel like I did a load of drugs (yay!), and my motivation is unbelievable.  I have never felt so....ready to take on the world.  So this is what you normal people feel like all the time?  Fantastic!

Drawback is that I am one VERY irritable bitch.  I already have enough problems with misplaced rage, I don't need any more reason to choke the shit out of Rob for leaving crumbs on the counter or drop kicking the old lady who thinks I have a potty mouth.  It really is tiring being so agitated all the time.  I was also suspecting that Rob thought I had finally dropped over the edge.  It could be that he saw the DVR filling up with episodes of Snapped, or it could be the way he has gotten to be a snappy little bitch too, but I finally made an appointment to see my shrink.

I love my shrink.  The man is part genius part human incarnation of the little, tiny voice of reason inside me.  Well, I did have a little unmitigated hate for him this past summer when the first three drugs made me feel like I was going shit-house crazy, and needed a seat in rehab for a new coke habit.  The wonderful thing about me is my hate can be turned on a dime if you offer me good drugs.  I am cheap like that.

So, I went to my session, with a list of issues:

1) VERY irritable
2) emotionally sensitive
3) despair then joy, all within a minute
4) always on the verge of crying
5) pervasive sadness
6) impossible to make decision
7) no in between on anything, either full throttle, or nothing at all
8) always tired
9) focus non-existent
10) extremely sensitive to noise, chaos
11) boredom
12) memory non-existent
13) non-existent sex drive

He let me know my list was normal for his patients with depression and ADHD.  I had been thinking that since my depression is pretty well managed with Cymbalta (holla!) that it had to be the Daytrana.  Nope, he made a fabulous case for WHY it was working (will spare you the kind of dry, but fascinating to me, bio-chemical reasons why), but that maybe the Cymbalta needed to be tweaked.  So, I have a new anti-depressant, Pristique.  The placebo effect has had me on a pink cloud for the last two days.  I know it hasn't kicked in yet, but I am in a fantastic mood, and have only wanted to kill a few morons today, instead of, like, a 100.  Progress!  Yea for better living through chemistry!

I think I can say Pristique ordered those diapers today.  And I am okay with that.  Oh, and I decided on snaps.

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