Sunday, April 17, 2011

I shall bring hellfire and brimstone, you bring your own, tiny caskets.

 Repeat alert!  For those on, I need to cast my net far and wide.  And I am out of material.

After years of enduring their assaults on our home, I have HAD IT.  Do you know how embarrassing it is to pull your wallet out to pay for something, and an ant or five hop off and crawl onto the counter top?  Or to be sitting at the car dealership waiting for your car to be detailed, itch your face and come back with an ant on your finger tip?  Or dropping your diaper bag on the counter at play group, and having a family of ants disembark?

So, I need help.  I have been looking up possible "solutions".  Borax, which I have in mighty supply, seems to be a cheap and effective way to go, but I need confirmation before I turn my kitchen into a laboratory.

So who has some useful tips????  And don't bother telling me to live and let live.  I am way past the niceties.  I love ants WHEN THEY STAY OUTSIDE MY HOME.  I am the first person to rush a bug to the outdoors.  Pick up worms on the sidewalk after storms.  Leave spiders alone to work their webs, if they are in a non-high-traffic area of the house. 

I just cannot take seeing ants stroll on through my kitchen wares without unloading a loud and unrelenting shit-storm of four letter words.  Every time I pick up the diaper bag to leave, Cam learns a new, and interesting way to use the word "fuck".  And she also thinks it perfectly normally to have 20 bugs scatter and run when you pick up your bags.  And that pressing an angry forefinger into each retreating ant body is not only mandatory, but acceptable.  I mean, how do I tell her "gentle" with Dixon and Zelda (Pugs), but by ALL MEANS CRUSH THOSE LITTLE ANT BASTARDS!?

So, tomorrow morning I may or may not be the person buying a case of yogurt, just so I can have the little yogurt cups and their lids for my recipe of death.  If only I had all the little cups and lids of the yogurts I have bought in the last 2+ years.  You know, the yogurts I have bought as a replacement for the pint of ice cream I eat each night.  Yeah, those yogurts that sit untouched until the expiration date has passed and they go straight to the recycling bin.

Now I really have a reason to eat that yogurt.  Straight up, unmitigated blood lust.  My colon may thank me later.


  1. You crack me up....which is why I nominated you for one of those bloggy award thingy's. If you'd like to accept just go over to my blog and grab the image.

  2. Aw, are too sweet! Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to your comment. Been an interesting few days.