Tuesday, November 8, 2011


A good topic for any day.  I have been keenly interested in the subject for the past few months, but a bit of serendipity pushed me toward it in a good way.  My church (Unitarian Universalist) had a sign-up sheet a few months ago for classes.  My eyes zeroed in on "anger", "frustration", and "management".  I signed up without fully reading what I was signing up for.  I just knew my ass had a problem with the first two issues, and was hoping the third would get it under grips.

Imagine my surprise on the first evening of the class when I was presented with a book on forgiveness.  Surprised, but intrigued I took a copy and promised to pay my $12 at the next class.  The book is fantastic.  Admitting full disclosure, I have been remiss in doing my homework.  I "cram" by going to class an hour early so I can read the chapter we will discuss that night.  I am a terrible procrastinator, and I have found that there is really not enough time in life to read all the books I want to read.  So I have about 8 books, most of them for AA sitting in my book bag or on my bedside table, that I read semi-regularly.

I struggle with forgiveness, much as I believe a lot of people do.  It is essential for a happy heart, I am learning.  Being that I have major trust issues, and all of them stem from my childhood, this class is at least opening the door of my heart.

One benefit, I was able to spend a good portion of yesterday with my mother, and just...be.  Not get angry.  not get frustrated.  I didn't let myself get triggered by comments or look at all the things SHE does wrong.  Not to say I have wiped the slate clean, or forgiven, per say.  More like I have started to understand, the once (highly!) irritating, "she did the best she could" mode of thought.  Work with my AA sponsor has also helped take the edge off my control issues, so that I am not so quick to judge or lash out.  Learning that i cannot control anyone else has been a long, slow, painful process.  This class in forgiveness also helps me in that process.

A roundabout way of saying forgiveness is good.  Not an easy undertaking (again, great book), but the fruits of the labor or worth it.

Have you been forgiving lately?

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