It's been so long.

Life has been barreling down on me lately.  Mostly in good ways, but I am still struggling with my ADHD, meds, and my new favorite feeling:  anxiety! 

My mom is coming along with the new hip, but is back to drinking.  For the most part I am able to let the drinking go.  Perhaps from the anxiety and feeling overwhelmed with taking care of her and my own family, something had to give.  Trying to control in reality and thought, her actions, was just adding way too much shit on top of my normal feelings of powerlessness.  It is what it is, right?

Cam is growing like a weed.  I cannot wait until her 18 month checkup (next month) to see where she is on the growth chart.  The kid is losing the chubbiness of babyhood, and just getting taller by the minute.  She isn't talking, but she still jabbers non-stop when she's awake.  We can make out some phrases..."hi, buddy!"....but still not actual words.  Hard to explain, but I am not worried about her talking any more.  it will come.  She was released from Early Intervention this month...seems she tested at or above age in all areas.  Good to know, but I will miss seeing Cam's OT....great lady with lots of insight.

I joined a local meetup for moms about six weeks ago, and have been throwing myself into it.  I am not a joiner by nature, and normally loathe that type of setup.  Thankfully I gave it the old college try, because I have found a group of women who get my parenting and don't think I am some weird hippie for cloth diapering my kid or judging me for NOT biting Cam back when she bites me for the 10th time in a day.  We get together and have lots of play dates, swap insight into daily problems, discuss books we've read, and just relax knowing there is a roomful of mamas making sure the kids are safe and well-tended.

Two things I am so excited for: foster classes start on August 11th and we just booked a week at the ocean for September.  It's amazing what will happen to your mental health when you have a real vacation to look forward to!  I had actually been dreading the prospect of packing Cam up for a few days, screwing up her schedule, and finding a decent place to go that wouldn't break the bank. 

While I was fretting over a bunch of nonsense, it occurred to me that maybe inviting my mom would be a good idea.  I have been encouraging her to travel for the last two years, and she always makes some excuse why she can't go.  Maybe it was a weak moment, or the realization she is my last parent alive...lol.  Cam loves her Grammie, and let's be honest: free babysitting is nothing to sneeze at.  :D

So, I sent my mom a few links to the very few decent places at the ocean, and she came back with renting a condo in a place we used to stay when I was a kid.  Made a reservation for a 3 night stay...and then Mom says "maybe we should do a week...".  Rob hears this and starts, literally, bouncing in his chair.  I call the resort back and find out that 7 nights is CHEAPER than 3.  FANTASTIC!  Ocean front, pool and baby fun pool outside of our patio.  Quiet beach town.  I was dreading going to the ocean just a few days ago, but now I am beyond excited.  Come on September 10th!!!

I am also beyond excited for our fostering classes to start.  I have been reading every book I can get my hands on that deals with children in the system.  Right now I am reading "One Small Boat" by Kathy Harrison, who also wrote "Another Place at the Table".  Riveting accounts of the day-to-day life of a family dedicated to children who need loving, supportive, helpful homes.  As excited as I am (and Rob too), I am not getting much in the way of support from family or friends.  Thanks to the stereotypes of the shitty foster care horror stories in the news, that's all my friends and family talk about.  My favorite this week: "I know I shouldn't say this....but....I'd hate for Cam to pick up bad habits from some bratty foster kid."  Um.  Well.  Who's to say Cam won't be the one teaching bad habits?  Instead of really angering me (which is my natural fall-back emotion) it just makes me sad that there is a pervasive feeling in our society that the children of foster care are defective and some how at fault.  It's not dissuading me or bringing me down too much, it just makes me that much more motivated to get this training done and do my part.

I just received my third phone call in one hour from my mother.  She's doing well with her PT, but the pain is something she can't seem to get a handle on.  Part of me doesn't believe the pain is all that bad (I know, I am an asshole), so when the third phone call just came in a minute ago, I gritted my teeth when I answered.  "JC?  I almost gave up (the phone rang two times...)...you there?  I just told Conor (my 16 year old nephew) I wasn't sure if I took my pain pill (um, by the sounds of it...you sure did...and THEN SOME) so I took another!  Can you stop at the store and get some fresh basil?  (We had this same convo three times in the last hour)  Are you bringing the baby? (yup, talked about this all three times too)  Did I ask you to bring basil?...."

All I can do is shake my head and laugh.  And I have a whole week to look forward to.  What was I thinking?  LOL