Old Lady Alert

I just emailed LL Bean's customer service, because they stopped carrying the fleece socks I love. I would kinda feel ashamed, but they told me those are WINTER items, and they are selling Spring stuff now. WTF???!!!! THERE IS SNOW ON THE GROUND IN 49 STATES.

More firsts, but not the kind you'd really want.

Cam has sustained two injuries this week.  First, while Rob was making breakfast for Cam, he heard a thud.  He came out to find Cam sitting back up, not crying, but a welt under her left eye.  Since he gets up with her every morning, I didn't notice it until we were sitting in play group.  It's almost a shiner, but not quite.

Then today.  Poor child was sitting happily on the floor after lunch.  I was trying to roll the highchair back into it's spot, when I nudged Cam with my foot.  NUDGED.  She was in the process of going from sit to crawl, when all of the sudden she started screaming bloody murder.  And then I saw the blood.  Holy cow, my baby child was bleeding!!  Picked her up to comfort her, and got a look-see:  seems her bottom two teeth split her bottom lip.  The kid has big, luscious beautiful lips, and now I have marred them.  The overwhelming guilt as my baby sat whimpering and chewing on a cold washcloth.  She calmed very quickly, but every time I look at her lip I feel just awful. 

 It's a good thing those social worker visits are over with.

Agency woker pisses me off.

I get a call from our adoption agency today.  I have always had nothing but good things to say about them, wonderful experience, wonderful social workers, yada yada yada. 

Let me go back a few months.  We have received one, ONE precious letter from Cam's fmom, N.  That was a few months ago.  A call from our placement social worker preceded the letter, letting us know it was coming, and that it was emotionally charged.  She talked to Rob for about 15 minutes or so, walking him through the pitfalls that could arise from such a letter.  nice, very much appreciated.

Last month another call, this time from the social worker who met us at the hospital to take custody of Cam.  She was wondering if the latest update I had done was meant to have pictures attached, like all the others I have sent.  Yup, my bad.  Took the opportunity to ask her if it would be cool if I sent an ornament and actual picture for N., wondering how N. would get it.  She told me that N. had asked to have all updates and correspondence sent to here directly from the agency to her home address.

Back to today.  Agency worker in charge of sending updates calls me.  First time we have spoken, exchanged an email or two, but that's it.  She sounded irritated at the outset of the call.  Cam was kind of hollering in the background, and S., the worker, kind of snottily asks if it's a good time.  Let me also preface this by saying my heart lurches any time I see the agency number come up on my phone.  I associate that number with GOOD things.  Like a placement of a real-live baby or precious first letter from first mom.  So I was ignoring all things unpleasant and waiting like a dog for my treat to be delivered.

S. starts off telling me what our agreement was (letters and pictures every six months), then asks if this is what I see on my paperwork.  Um, no, holding the phone and wrangling a baby, don't have time to dig for some fucking paperwork...get to the good part lady!  I say, sure, sounds about right, but not absolutely sure.  Still waiting, spill it!  She let's an uncomfortable silence brew, and I don't help her.  She plows ahead and says "well you've been sending updates and pics every month....." 

Me: "Yes."
S.: more silence..."okaaaaaay.......well, sometimes people do that, then realize they can't keep up with it."

Still wondering when she is going to jump to the part where they heard back from N., getting weary of her weird silence. 

Me: "uh huh"
S: "well, usually people back off after the first year"

More silence, this time I see what she is hinting at.  She wants me to say that I will stick to that "agreement".  Fuck that.  We want an open adoption, so I reach out and I have a right to send her as much crap as I want to.  I also realize that there is no "good stuff" from this call, and am getting sad.  And annoyed.  I let that silence crash around her some more.  I am not going to make this easy.

S:  "Well, do you have any questions?"  sounding perplexed and a little annoyed herself.
Me:  "Well, N asked for all updates to be sent to her, right?  That's what L told me."
S:  "Yes.  She had the option to call us and find out if updates are here, then pick them up, or for us to just mail it to her directly when we get things."
Me:  "Okay, good."

At this point, I am done talking, and I suppose S figures this too, because she wraps it up by awkwardly saying "I guess that's it, thanks."  Asshole.  I was sad when I got off the phone.  Cam had crawled over to me, smiling.  I had been hoping for another letter, or something after I sent the holiday stuff.  Looking at Cam it broke my heart a little.

So I went to the forums, and posited a few questions.  Mainly wondering if I had lost it, or was that a weird call?  To what end was the worker trying to get?  Right away I got a few wise answers, as usual.  Chalk it up to good old-fashioned laziness.  Now, with a few hours distance and some feedback, I can see that worker was just trying to get me to lay off the updates.  So now I am good an angry.  It's a good thing it's after business hours.  Unless Rob talks me down, I am thinking a phone call to our old SW is called for.  It's making me question whether ALL the stuff I send is making it to N, and really, how the hell would I KNOW???

Happy New Year!

2010 has been unbelievably good to me.  We brought home our new daughter.  I was in school full-time with an internship when we took placement, and I still managed to make the Dean's List.  I graduated and earned my certificate in addictions counseling and got my trainee license.  To that end, I spent another year alcohol and drug free.  Celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary, and learned it does get better and better each year.  We finalized the adoption of Campbell, and celebrated the adoption of her two best friends by our two best friends.  All in all a fantastic year.  Definitely one of the best in recent memory.

May everyone have a happy, healthy, and peaceful new year!  Cam says Happy New Year...

Girls Night.

One girl baby, tired, but awake and alert.  One Mama, tired and not very alert.  One girl Pug (Zelda), concerned, looking for a warm lap to snuggle, always tired.  One girl cat (Alabama), curious but tired. 

All four of us in one comfy, down-stuffed chair handed down from my Mom and Dad, after Dad passed away.  That chair is special, because my Dad always read his newspapers each night in the chair.  Now I get to cradle my baby in it before her naps and bed.  Having my first "baby", Zelda, join us is a rare treat.  She LOVES Rob, and will only deign to sit with me when his lap isn't available.  Cam may be getting sick, she was a little off after dinner and bath, her head was hot, but the thermometer betrayed me and gave a reading of 97.7.  Cam has never been sick, a little congestion, but has never had a fever.  :(  The kid feels hot to me (dosed her with Ibuprofen), and has basically been awake since we put her down to bed at her usual 1830.  I am almost sick with anticipation of what may happen.
 
I have a feeling the baby, Pug, kitty, and I are going to spend a lot of time together tonight.

It's Cam's first Christmas!

 Happiest little Grinch

 All dressed up, and Mama's in jeans????

Had to delete the first 20 pictures I took of Cam on the floor at my Mom's.  She was super serious and quiet.  Then Grammie walked in the room, and Cam went nuts.  All smiles, laughs, and clapping.  We think Mom carries baby treats in her pockets the way she carries dog treats in them.

Christmas Eve dinner with my brother and his family and my sister and her son at Mom's.  A good portion of the evening was spent watching my 16 year old nephew stacking Cam's new Melissa & Doug nesting boxes.  For real.  That kid played with those boxes for over an hour.  I bet his mother is bitter about spending all that dough on X-Box games now.  Heh.

Since it's after midnight now, we are just a few short hours away from Cam getting all her gifts.  I am beyond excited, even though I know she will only give a shit about the empty boxes, tissue paper, and bows.  Really, this is ALL for me.  Later in the morning we head to my other sister's house to open presents and have breakfast with her little ones.  She insists her ten year old still believes.  I think she is humoring her mother.  :)

Think it may be time to get into bed.  Waiting for Santa is tiring business.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

First World Problem of the Day:

The gate we bought to protect the tree from a curious Cam is almost too small, because of all the presents under it now.